Our Story- Part Three:
The Latter Years
Being Sustained by Miracles… But Not Ones We Expected…
In the earliest days of our infertility journey I witnessed the miracle of a couple that were mentors to us. They were told they were both completely infertile and it was impossible for them to have a child. Over the years they had been given promises from God through people about a coming child and they waited and waited. After the passing of painful years they had given up hope and decided to focus on their careers. Years later, in their early forties, this couple became pregnant by a complete miracle. They gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Later, the wife told me that the one thing she regretted was that she gave up hope. Right then and there I made the decision that I was not going to give up hope. At that moment, I had no idea I would be hoping for so very long.
Life in California
These last 6 years have been pretty wild. God surprised us by inviting us on an adventure to move across the country to a ministry school. This was nothing we had ever dreamed of or planned, but as we found ourselves saying “yes” and taking His hand, our excitement increased.
The journey of faith had begun as we said goodbye to our precious community in Michigan and forged a new path into the unknown in California. The school environment provided limitless hope and encouragement which fueled us for the long road we found ourselves on. Along with all of the spiritual encouragement, we were referred to a doctor who is one of the leading men’s infertility specialists in the country and his office was less than 4 hours from where we lived.
And We’re in for Surgery
The doctor immediately found the cause of our issue and Seth was scheduled for surgery to improve sperm count. This was an incredible breakthrough for us! Seth had the surgery and it did in fact substantially improve his sperm count! But partnered with this good news was bad news as tests revealed motility (how well and fast sperm move) went down. The doctor was dumbfounded. In all of his 2000 surgeries he had never seen motility decrease after surgery when it was normal before surgery. The level was so low that we were in the same probability bracket as before- impossible. The doctor began suggesting possible “cures” for this new dilemma which we have tried over the last year.
That, my friends, is where we still find ourselves today: in the waiting process, conferring with the infertility specialist, and getting further tests.
So Where Does that Leave Us, Really?
Remember when I said that we asked God to lead us by the desires of our hearts? Well, the desire to adopt has been stirring in our hearts over the last year and we have started the adoption process as we continue to contend for a natural conception. The pursuit, prayer and faith for children to be added to our family is relentless until we have them and our family is complete. We trust God.
We have never doubted His promise, although the road has been longer than we ever expected and sometimes very difficult. I will say, in some ways the longer it has been, the easier it has become. That’s because roots of trust have grown deeper and deeper in the soil of our hearts in this area. That is a miracle in itself. This same phenomenon was true for Abraham. Romans 4:20 says, “[Abraham] did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.” Seth and I are living this Abrahamic experience day to day.
Here is the Beauty of this Difficult Journey
The greatest treasure that I have gained from these years is the discovery of the closeness and the goodness of God in difficulty. He is present. He is involved. He is communicating. LOUDLY. When I look back over the years, sometimes it has seemed like He is shouting from heaven with all of the communication- whether it is to us directly, from a circumstance or an encouraging word or scripture from someone who has no idea about our situation. When I’m grieving or processing pain, He is there. He brings comfort, empathy and hope. When I’m with Him, the state that I’m in changes. I’ve lived in the promises of Isaiah 61:2-3 on a daily basis, “to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”
A journey that would normally be depressing, hopeless and tragic; God has made hope-filled, freeing and joyful. Not that I don’t still grieve, I absolutely do. But I’ve learned to process pain in a healthy way that keeps me in a good place. I don’t bury it or ignore it or distract myself with busyness to avoid the pain. I let it out with the Lord and let Him into it. When you invite God into anything, something good always happens. I find that I can face this journey when I face it with the Lord. He is Immanuel- God with us. This is the road where I have found my Immanuel. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “give thanks in all circumstances.” I have found myself thankful in this journey because of knowing my First Love, the Lord God in such a deep and beautiful way. I extend an invitation to you to let God love you in your pain and find out how good He is. You can find resources in the “Tools” tab and every blog post on this site will inevitably be a road map to find Him.
Join the conversation:
How have you found God in some way in your difficult circumstance?
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