Becoming Comfort-able: Eliminating Barriers To The Comfort of God
If you know me, you know I love a good hug. A big part of my love for hugs comes from my dad. He gives the best hugs. In fact, people throughout my life would seek him out for a hug because they felt love from a father that was safe that they never experienced before. The safety in his hugs comes from the fact that he has a pure heart, he’s secure in himself as a man and a father, and therefore exudes purity and security. Plus, he is a solid dutchman with tall stature, a softer mid section and strong yet gentle arms. If there was a checklist for physical attributes of an exceptional hugger, he would tick them all.
Comfort: To soothe in distress or sorrow; ease the misery or grief of; bring consolation or hope to.
The Human Need for Comfort
As humans we were created to be comforted and to comfort. A primary example can be seen in a loving mother’s instinct in running to comfort her crying infant without conscious intention. People were made in God’s image, and the drive to comfort a baby was given by Him - the One who is Comforter. Studies have shown that infants who aren’t regularly held and lovingly spoken to actually end up with major health problems - even if their physical needs are being met. Every stage of human development requires the need to be comforted when there is distress or pain. When that need is unmet, people search for whatever they can reach for that can fulfill the need for comfort.
Our need for comfort and soothing is so innate that even children will find ways to comfort themselves if their needs are not being met. When we grow into adulthood, our options for comfort widen. Choices that can bring a sense of soothing range from overeating, shopping, masturbation, binging on everything from shows to substances, sugar, pornography, negativity and bitterness, and toxic relationships. I’ve had my own share of dabbling in several of these. Some can initially be fun, some are just plain destructive, and all of them can potentially land us in an addiction fairly quickly. The truth is none of these are truly fulfilling or satisfying and will end up causing no real relief from the deeper need that was longing for comfort all along.
God’s Response
I have good news. No matter our upbringing the truth is that God can restore our ability to receive comfort. He can heal our hearts and forge an easy pathway into your areas of need, bringing comfort, easing pain, soothing our hearts and giving hope. Personally, I have experienced deep pain, and I have found that comfort from God is so very real and so very fulfilling, satisfying and healing.
One time recently I was processing sadness about how long our adoption process is taking. I heard God say, “Can I comfort you right now?” “Yes!” I replied. As I started receiving His comfort He said, “I love comforting you, you’re so comfort-able.” When He said that, I realized that just as a person who easily receives love would be called “loveable,” a person who can easily receive comfort would be called “comfort-able.” Just like a parent loves to comfort their child when they are hurting, God loves to comfort us in our pain.
Psalm 34:18 says “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” He WANTS to come to us in our pain. He can’t help but be present with us! Jesus said it was better for Him to go so that the Holy Spirit whom He named the “Comforter” could come (John 16:7) and that He would never leave us (John 14:16).
My favorite scripture revealing the comfort of God is 2 Corinthians 1:3-5: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.”
Com·fort /ˈkəmfərt/ noun: the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress.
What Gets in the Way of Comfort From God
When it came to receiving comfort in my life, both my mom and dad had their own ways of giving it. My dad would give that solid and warm hug, while my mom would empathize with her eyebrows furrowed at whatever my plight was and would put her soft hand on my tearful cheek. I’m thankful my parents had comfort to give when I was a child but unfortunately, that is not everyone’s experience.
It’s our main caregivers in our formative years who teach us what comfort is and set the context for the giving and receiving of it. And it is our caregivers that inevitably build a framework of our perceived ideas of what God is like. No matter what their behavior or actions displayed, we will subconsciously project our parents’ likeness onto God. Our perception of what God is like is formed from the way our parents related with us. Our brain can tell us what the Bible says about what He is like, or what culture says He is like, but our subconscious narrative based on our family dynamic will inform our belief system of who God is to us.
Some examples can look like this:
A woman whose father was a doctor and helped so many people but wasn’t home or available much. As an adult she knows God is good but deep down perceives and experiences God as distant. Even though He blesses and helps other people, she feels left out and abandoned by God.
A man whose parents were strict and stern with rules and expectations, and left him feeling like whatever he did, no matter how hard he tried, was not enough. As an adult he experiences leaders and God the same way. He tries to do the best he can but He never feels he has God’s approval, thinks He is angry with him, and is so burnt out from trying that he wants to give up on God because he doesn’t feel there is hope for approval.
A woman whose father was not around growing up and whose mother was an abusive alcoholic. She has experienced the goodness and love of God to a degree, but He seems distant and she can’t access His love like everyone else seems to. The reason for that is deep down she is afraid of letting God close because she doesn’t know if He is safe. Her mind knows He is good but her subconscious is holding Him at an arm’s length because deep down she is terrified that He will either abandon or abuse her.
These scenarios are so common among humans because we live in a broken world. You see, if we didn’t receive healthy or consistent comfort from our caregivers from a young age, then our pathway to receiving comfort from God can be muddled. All of the described circumstances would have a negative impact on the individual’s ability to receive comfort from God. There are incredible parents out there, but there is not a perfect parent who precisely models all the perfect virtues God.
There Is Hope
If we don’t see God as a loving, safe comforter who can bring lasting healing, no worries! He has all we need to heal our parental wounds and reveal the truth of who He really is. He can make a way in our hearts so that we can receive His comfort on a daily basis. He can restore us to who He made us to be: people who He loves and who love Him back and to have an abundant life with Him and others.
Practical steps to receiving comfort from God:
Pray and ask God to heal and restore your deepest parental wounds
Let Him lead you on a path of forgiving your parents/primary caregivers
Let Him speak truth to your heart about who He is as Comforter. For more guidance on how to hear His voice, check out my blog on Ways to Connect With God.
Receive His comfort. For more on how to practically receive comfort, check out this vlog How to Receive Comfort From God.
As we let God heal our past, we will see God as He truly is- One that is loving, safe and wonderful to go to for real and lasting comfort. Let’s become people who are Comfort-able!