A Man’s Journey Through Infertility

I’m the husband. :-) And yes, we have been on a 15+ year journey of pursuing pregnancy and having children! After our initial attempts and failures to get pregnant, we decided that we would both have some tests done. Never once did I think that there would be any findings in my body that would contribute to the inability to conceive.

I had been a healthy young man. I was active, played sports and never had any real health issues. I couldn’t even think of a time in my life that I had ever fallen and hurt myself “down there” (yes they asked me that question!) I went to bed the night after giving my “sample” thinking that everything would be normal. A few days later the results came in, and I don’t really even remember the conversation with the doctor. I think I was just in shock.

The Curveball of a Lifetime

I have been really fortunate that things in my life have always seemed to work out. Decisions around which school to go to and how I would afford it, jobs, friends and community: through it all, people might wish they had my life. I know that this isn’t because of some great thing that I did - I did have the most outstanding parents and family home to grow up in. My parents loved me, cared enough to discipline me, provided for me (even when money was razor thin) and created a home environment that helped me to thrive and grow as a human being. I also know that my genuine and ever-growing relationship with God has enveloped me in a life of love and acceptance that only can come from knowing Him. 

But when the doctor said “you have extremely low sperm count,” I was thrown a complete curveball. Up to that point, you could say that I had been hitting home runs on fastballs in life, and now this was a big “swing and a miss.” The guy everyone wanted to be like all of a sudden had a real issue that would affect the rest of his life.

Stuck in Shock

If I’m being honest with you, when I heard the news, I didn’t have a lot of emotion. In fact, at that stage in my life, my emotional intelligence was only just developing. My tendency was always to put the emotional needs of others first and help them through whatever they were going through. So that is what I did in this situation as well. Sarah was deeply impacted by the news. There were tears. And more tears. I didn’t know what to do and couldn’t engage with my own emotions. It’s like, somehow, I wasn’t actually connecting with what the news meant - I just knew it was bad and would affect us and was tearing up the love of my life. 

So, emotions were high and we were trying to work through what it all meant. Basically, when he delivered the diagnosis, the doctor shrugged and said, “male infertility is still a bit of a mystery.” The presented medical solution was In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) which, at the time, was a direction we weren't interested in. We were (and still are) 100% convinced that God is a healer and there is no doubt in our mind that nothing is impossible with Him. We decided that we would pray for a miracle. It didn’t feel like the end of the world because we were still young and had lots of time to start our family. 

Finding Strength in Unity

Knowing we still had time, though, did not relieve the emotions that accompanied my diagnosis. There was a real sense of loss and deep disappointment. As we processed these emotions Sarah said something to me that completely redirected the tone of our journey: “Seth, this isn’t your issue. This is our issue.”

Let that sink in for a second. She took ownership of something that she couldn’t control and was occurring in my body. This is where “oneness” was tested, and she passed with flying colors. The grace my wife extended to me and the love that she poured out on me in that moment set a beautiful course for us.

If I have any advice for couples working through infertility - regardless of whose body happens to be the one affected - take it on together. Two are stronger than one! A united front against such an emotional and consuming reality is the best approach. I’m thankful for her love for me and the humility that she displayed to stand with me in my weakness. My wife is a champion!

Equipped for the Journey

Throughout 15 years of continually being reminded of what we don’t have, we have allowed God to demonstrate His faithfulness to us. He has spoken to us in the deepest moments of questioning and He has reminded us of His character when all we could see was hopelessness.

Personally, I’ve learned through many years of walking with the Lord that His voice must be at the center of my life. The moment that we forget the compassion and care of the person of Jesus is the moment that hope escapes. As He communicates His heart to us, that settles all the other voices and strengthens us for whatever lies ahead. 

I hope that the stories and lessons from Sarah’s and my journey are an encouragement for yours. We’re so glad you’re here.