Finding Joy in the Pain- Part Two
The Great Exchange
How did I make the great exchange from sadness in the pain to joy in the circumstance? The weight of the “infertility backpack” had definitely gotten lighter as God showed me what was contributing to the heaviness in it and I made some changes. God is so good that He doesn’t just take away the heavy things. He also gives you something beneficial in exchange. So, here’s where it gets good!
From Self-Pity to Fulfillment
Around the time that God was speaking to me about letting go of self-pity, He was also validating the parent inside of me. The desire to have children was coming from the heart of a parent that I couldn’t deny was in there. God told me, “invest your parenting into the people around you, and give them your all.” At the time, Seth and I were leading a Young Adult group at our church and this made so much sense. It gave me a new perspective on leading young people and a vision for what it could look like to lead them from the heart of a parent. I turned my attention and affection to more fully enjoy what I was already doing. I went from living in the mud of self-pity to thriving in an area of life that gave meaning and fulfillment.
Comfort is Underrated
The Bible says in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” There is a blessing available for those who actually mourn, and it’s called comfort. Even better than receiving comfort is getting to know the Comforter. Grabbing a box of tissues and “going for it” has been a regular occurrence in all these years, and I’ve found that I don’t have to be afraid of pain. Why? Because I have grieved and mourned (oh, so much!) and I have found that God the Comforter comes and swallows up pain in a mysterious way that leaves me strengthened, hopeful and even joyful! When you truly receive comfort you are set at ease and a space is made in your heart for nurture and peace where the pain had been. As you can see, the exchange is in our favor when we give God our pain and He gives us His comfort.
Gratitude
Since I’ve never let go of the hope and belief that we would have children, I’ve known that some day sleep would be rare and time to myself would be minimal. I’ve spent the better part of 15 years thanking God for every spontaneous road trip, every late-morning sleep, quiet time to myself, date nights without paying a babysitter, and on and on. I savor the vacations in Europe, the looser budget, the time to invest in hobbies and the flexibility of independence. I also have an acute awareness of what I’m missing in the beauty and fulfillment of real parenthood. I feel the pain of that and I also know I will have that some day. For now, I stay thankful and savor what I do have. I don’t want to miss the beauty of the present moment because of longing for the child that will be in the next moment. Of course, that longing doesn’t go away but I have learned to also live fully now through thankfulness.
If there was an emotional pain scale…
You may be asking, how do you not have pain with this strong unfulfilled desire? I wouldn’t say I don’t have pain. On an “emotional pain scale,” in the early years, I was living between 7-10 consistently. In the last years, I live in the 1-2 range with moments of 3 or 4 or 8. If there was a joy graph of this journey, it would reveal a steady increase over the years. In summary, I would say that the seemingly impossible odds of experiencing blessing in hardship are in your favor when you let God take your hand and lead you into the potential.
Join the Conversation
Where are you on the “emotional pain scale” today?
How do you receive comfort?
What are you thankful for right now?